What If . . .

Earlier this morning I had the privelege of chatting with an old friend from high school over facebook. It was great to catch up, since we haven't seen each other for about three or four years. We exchanged laughable comments and took a trip down memory lane where we reminisced about shared experiences, the heartbreak of high school relationships, and the life that we now live. And then we started playing the "what if" game. You know, the one where every now and then your trip down memory lane takes an unchartered turn onto an exit marked "what could've been."

We sat there (well, I'm only assuming that my friend sat too since this was all over the computer, but I could be wrong) and discussed the things we would've maybe changed in our past relationships and the opportunities we maybe would've taken instead of letting them fall into the pile of possible regrets. "What if" I would've never broken up with so and so; or "what if" I would've gotten back together with my first love? What if the one that got away would've been the one that stayed forever? What if I never would've lost that prized possession?!

Long after the conversation ended I held onto the "what if" game, and played it inside my own head. What if I would've focused on my future more instead of the boyfriends that I spent so much time with? What if I would've spent more time diving into God's plan for my life instead of dwelling on my own desires? What would've happened if I had gone to college in Springfield, MO instead of staying in Fargo? And what would've happened had I just packed up and took my chances in Nashville or California in the music scene?

I have played the "what if" game many times in my head. I always end up at the same conclusion though. None of the "what if's" matter. What matters are the things I am doing right now, and the things I have learned from my past. I wouldn't change anything about my past because it has made me who I am. I am so much stronger today because of the heartbreak, the losses, the successes, and the failures of my past. Had I changed anything about my past, I wouldn't have met my wonderful husband, and I wouldn't be happily married going on 6 years.

The "what if" game can lead you into dangerous territory, my friend, if you're not careful. It can cause your heart to long for the good memories of the past and forget the bad ones. Instead of dwelling about the "what if's" of the past, I think I'm going to focus on the "what if's" of my future. What if my dreams really do come true - now wouldn't that be a "what if" to cherish!